Can I come back?

I have yet to articulate or comprehend everything around this, so please forgive the rawness and disjointedness of what you are about to read.

Today it has been 81 days since I arrived back in New Zealand, and those 81 days have been some of the most emotionally draining days I have had in my entire life. Some mornings I would wake up and expect to see my dorm room in Eagle then I would feel the disappointment of that not being my reality. Other nights, I would cry myself to sleep because it was another day away from America. Most days I would find myself longing to be back in America with all my friends from there and the exciting new experiences that awaited me on a daily basis.

Despite all of my initial annoyance and homesickness about being away, I discovered a place that I loved and a group of friends who I loved and knew they loved me also (n.b. I'm not saying my friends here don't love me). The relationships I had built in such a short time were some of the best and closest I have ever had in my life, maybe I'm just too comfortable here and was forced to push myself more, or maybe it's different culture / way of doing things. I think it's probably both.

I really began to discover myself while I was in America, 9000 miles from "home" and I feel there is much more to discover of myself so naturally I long to be in a place that is new and fresh, where I don't have a "reputation" or "image" or perceived ideas about who I am. In the discovering of myself I believe that America had stolen my heart, stolen where I felt at home, and broken me for it. I saw a brokenness in a nation where I have now come to feel that I want to help out where I can, whether that is youth work, serving in a church, or something.

Most of you who are friends with me on facebook or follow me on twitter or whatever will know that I want to go back to America and that I am look at all my options for going back. It's a ridiculous process to get a green card and one I am still trying to get my head around my best course of action.

What I do know is that I will be going back one day, this time in the middle is the hardest. I have to view each thing I do, each day, as a step towards going back to where my heart is. I am constantly battling with feelings of depression and displacement, and seeking God in everything I remember to include him in.

This has been such a long ordeal and I know it's still going to be a while before I am settled back here in NZ, although really I don't know if I will ever be. America you stole my heart.

Grades.

These are my results for the semesters work. Fairly happy considering I didn't give a crap about them or care for the work I had to do.

Course results:

Field Experience (EDU 250) - A

Social Studies & Art (EDU 308) - A

Multi-Cultural Education (EDU 417) - A-

Arts Integration in the Classroom (FA 300) - B+

Oh and this is more than likely the final post in this blog... Unless I fully succumb to sadness for not being in America and decide to write another blog about opposite homesickness.

Can I come back America?

...Please? 

Fin.

Well that's a wrap. My time here is done.

The last two days have been my least favourite days here in America but they have also been my favourite. All of my assignments and finals were out of the way and I was free to relax. The only problem was that all of my friends were now beginning to leave campus for the winter break.

It's such a sad feeling to say goodbye to friends who you have become really close to, developed new relationships with and then grown in life together. I don't want to say these goodbyes. It is too hard. I don't remember being as emotionally exhausted as this and I definitely do not remember crying this much ever in my life before.

It's the strangest feeling, for so long I fought being here. I wanted to be back in New Zealand. Wanted to be back doing life there. But now having grown here in America, with amazing new friendships, this feels like my life now. No. This is my life now. And in leaving I feel like I'm having to rip myself away from this place and these people and this hurts. 

To all my new friends, new family, I love you all more than you could ever know. I want to thank you all so much for allowing me into your lives for this time and being quick to accept me into this place. For putting up with my dry, sometimes pointed, humour, I thank you. Once I accepted my new environment, being 9000 miles from my homeland didn't seem all that much and you are all to thank for that. I love you all so much.

Honestly I wouldn't be flying back to New Zealand today if I had any choice.

Please know that I will be coming back as soon as I possibly can, and even though I know I am on the other side of the world keep in contact with me please and DO VISIT! I would be more than happy to take you for an adventure around my country.

Packed, but not ready. I don't think I ever will be.

Contact details:

Skype: tibutler

email: 1thomasbutler@gmail.com

Cell: +64 21 230 7495

Thanksgiving.

Well I get to experience my first ever Thanksgiving.

On Tuesday I flew into Columbus, OH. to meet up with Ron and Lynnette's and family for a week of thanks. 

Wednesday we had a few people and their kids come over for a vegan style (kinda, there was still turkey) dinner. We played games and there were plenty of laughs to be had. 

Today (Thursday) we are going out to Ron and Lynnette's  friends place for Thanksgiving dinner and for some football. 

Friday we are going back to Columbus Zoo at night time because they have lights all set up. I have been told this will be similar to Pukekura Park back home, albeit less spectacular.

Saturday I get to go tailgating at the Ohio State University versus University of Michigan game. Apparently this is a huge game and an intense rivalry so this should be fun (I will have to be on my best behaviour though, cant incite a riot now!). The weather forecast for that day is going to be cold too! A high of 35 and a low of 23 degrees Fahrenheit (freezing is 32). Glad I packed my thermals! 

And finally on Sunday it's church and I'm playing in the church band at night! It's been a while since I've jammed with a full band but it'll be nice for sure! 

Oh and then after church I fly back to Philadelphia and maybe rush in some last minute homework... by the sounds of what is planned I am unsure with how much homework is going to be done.

Thankful.

Video.

Title says it all really.

I did this video to capture the walk from my dorm to the dining commons, or my classes. This is only one small corner of campus.

Was a bit of fun to do.

Sandy.

Well Hurricane Sandy came and went without anything more than power outages and trees falling around where I was, it didn't even blow the pile of leaves off the front lawn where I was staying near Pottstown, PA. However Sandy did a lot of damage to the coastal areas, especially New Jersey, NYC, Cuba, and all the islands around there. Please pray for the people who are affected still. They need it.

The other day I met a student here at Eastern who's family had been displaced by the Hurricane, they were currently staying at a refuge as their house is not safe to live in and awaiting inspection. Hopefully they will get a green sticker saying that the house is safe to inhabit again. I pray for this. Another unfortunate thing is that the inspectors cannot come around until the houses have electricity but the power company wont put the electricity back on until the houses are safe and secure for fear of causing fires. Reminds me of what is going on in Christchurch at the moment because of the earthquakes.

Speaking of the earthquakes in Christchurch, it's really surreal to know that a place where you once were is now destroyed or severely damaged. This happened in Christchurch where I was in the Cathedral there and then the next day Christchurch had their fist 7.1 magnitude earthquake. After more earthquakes following that the Cathedral was destroyed and no one will enter that building again as it once was.

In some of the places I went in NYC were completely swamped by water. Ground Zero had sea water rushing down into it...

Sea water floods the Ground Zero construction site, Oct. 29, 2012, in New York. Sandy continued on its path Monday, as the storm forced the shutdown of mass transit, schools and financial markets, sending coastal residents fleeing, and threatening a dangerous mix of high winds and soaking rain. (Photo: John Minchillo / AP)

The subways became flooded..

This is a few miles north of where I used the subway, even further away from where the storm surge hit.
(Photo: Metropolitan Transportation Authority)  

Up near the Bronx. (Photo: Metropolitan Transportation Authority)  

Tunnels too...

Photo: Metropolitan Transportation Authority / Patrick Cashin

More pics here.

Such a surreal feeling to have been there and then to see these places like this only a week after.

I really pray for those that were affected that Jesus draws near to them and comforts them and gives them the strength and supernatural peace to carry on and get life back to normal.

Sandy approaches.

"Some have compared the tempest to the so-called Perfect Storm that struck off the coast of New England in 1991, but that one hit a less populated area.

"The Perfect Storm only did US$200 million of damage and I'm thinking a billion" this time, Masters said. "Yeah, it will be worse." - Reuters. 

When a storm has it's own website then things ought to get interesting. Will try keep updates coming, but it's forecasted to pass right over top of where I am and power outages are expected. Pennsylvania has declared a state of emergency in preparation for this event and my university has sent out multiple emails giving us information about what to do. One of the emails did say to go home if that's where you feel most comfortable... but somehow I don't feel like that is a viable option for me just at this moment.  For now I'm just going to hang out in my room and do some school work for the weekend, expecting it to hit some time Sunday. I have a couple of options of places to go in case we get told to evacuate, but for now I plan to sit steady and tough it out. Whatever "it" is.